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[title] => Zdravko Pilić: Prazni štekati i redovi bez grintanja? Pa ovo je neka nova Dalmacija!
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Smijali ste se kad je naša bivša predsjednica rekla da ćemo bit ki Švicarska! A vidi nas sada! Još smo i bolji! Parimo, Japan, Južna Koreja, Hong – Kong ili Tajvan! – vika mi je prika sa šibenske Poljane, dok san se lagano kalava na posal.
- Tebi nije dobro! - viknija san mu i ja.
– Nekima korona udre na criva, nekima na pluća, a tebi je udrila na mozak. Biži ća kući, dok ti je na vrime!
- Da, e! Nisan lud sad bižat u kuću, sad kad smo konačno počeli sličit na normalni, razvijeni, napredni svit! - nije se da ustavit.
- A šta ima ode tebi normalno, vidiš da je sve prazno, nigdi nikoga! Korona je sve otpuvala - prova san ga ja urazumit, držeći od njega sigurnu udaljenost.
- Eto, baš to je normalno! Da su u radni dan, u deset sati ujutro, svi kafići prazni, da nema na ulicama nigdi nikoga. Da oni koji imaju posla rade, a oni koji nemaju nikakvog - side lipo doma, čitaju, gledaju televiziju, bave se hobijima. Pa tako je u svin normalnim državama oduvik, i stalno! A nama je, da takvi postanemo - morala doć korona! - viče on meni, s isto tako sigurne udaljenosti.
Svi odjednom u redu
– A ovo teke svita što po ulicama još šeta, lipo nosi maske. Ko bi to od našeg svita metnija sebi na glavu još prije samo deset, ili petnaest dana ?! Pravija od sebe ridikula, monu, majmuna! Radije bi škartoc na glavu stavija! A sad su svi naglo postali Japanci i Korejanci! Pa nose masku. I to ponosno, da je svi vide. Bogati, postala je stvar prestiža!
Pokazuješ da si urban, odgovoran i osviješten član zajednice, a ne seljačina šta sije bacile na metar okolo, ki ratar šenicu, ugrožava i sebe i druge! - viče on, a meni polako počinje dolazit iz guzice u glavu: – Bogami, nije njemu korona udarila u možđane. Njega je prosvitlilo! Nikad pametnijih besida nisan od njega čuja!
- A jesi vidija isprid apateke, kako naš svit uredno čeka u redu. I drži odstojanje. Ulaze unutra tri po tri, disciplinirano ka Japanci kad su ulazili čistit u oni atomski reaktor u Fukušimu. Naši Dalmatinci! I isprid banke isto čekaju strpljivo. Stoji lipa, uredna fila nasrid ceste. Niko se ne gura, ne viče. Ma, niko s nikin i ne priča, muva da se čuje. Niko ne beštima, ne bogaje, ne gleda na sat.
Nikome se nigdi ne žuri. To do juče s vodon interventne policije ne bi kod nas osigura. A vidi nas sad! Ako ovo potraje još – a oće – Japan ćemo postat. Južna Koreja! Azijski tigar! Biće u nas reda, sve po špagu ka i kod njih - navija se pobro.
- To oćemo sigurno! Posebno, ako se budemo držali preporuka Stožera, pa ostajali kući, i ne izlazili vanka, na dnevno svitlo i sunce. I slušali ove - "stručnjake za držanje distance" ! En ti onoga, tebi i njima! Jesi ti uopće zna do jučer za otu struku? A danas već po internetu savite dile "Kako se ispravno socijalno distancirati!" A jesi čuja ministra Božinovića: "Izbjegavajte bliske kontakte i držite se higijene. U unutarnjim prostorima razmak od druge osobe mora biti najmanje 2 metra, vani 1 metar!" Koji lipi savjet. Pari da smo mi Todorići, pa imamo Kulmerove dvore na raspolaganju! - viče prika.
Lako je Terezi!
A mene opet vata tupilo od nekuženja: – Kako ne razumiš?! Znaš koliko sad ima čeljadi kod mene u onom mome jadnom stanu? Ja, žena, dica, pa dica dovela svoju dicu, unuke, nema škole, fakulteta, ničega, vrtlići ne rade. A i starčad su tute, a di ćeš ih ostavit same, ko će in kuvat, dignit ih ako padnu.
I sad na nas desetak, za držat razmak od dva metra, tribalo bi imat dnevni boravak 20 za 20, a to ti je 400 kvadrata. Ko to ima, jedino Todorić, ne znam ima li i on! U nas stančići od pedeset, šezdeset kvadrata, jedna se prostorije grije, svi se natiskali oko peći, prid zahodon moraš čekat red da se popišaš, a oni pišu u uputama za ponašanje – ako je moguće, koristiti izdvojenu kupaonicu. Ili – izdvojite se u sobu s prozorom! Tija san zvat i pitat: Triba li se s ponistre vidit i Šolta, il' se može proć i s običnim pogledom u susjedni zid? Ćaćina i materina, njima i uputama, ka da ih je Marija Antoaneta pisala!
Lako je Terezi pisat "Ostajem doma", kad ga sigurno nije kupovala priko POS-a. Ujutro kavica u vrtlu, pa onda na sobni bicikl. Čitanje knjiga i slušanje glazbe dok odgovara na mailove i prelijeće Instagramom. Al' šta će ovi jadni za mišalicon i dizalicon na gradilištu šibenske Poljane! Sumnjam da je moguće lopaton priko fejsa pojačat malo maltu u mišalici. Ili povuć stazu pa popravit malo ligadinu priko Instagrama! Sazvat videokonferenciju pa priko nje nalit jedno sto kvadrata ploče...'
- I zato si ti sad uteka vanka, na sunce i frišku ariju! - počinjen na koncu kužit i ja, i svoga priku gledat drugin očima. Vidiš ti koji je to Salamun, a ko bi reka na njemu!
- Svi se zakveštali, zatvorili po kućama, a po ulicama sve prazno, nema nikoga. Da se i oš zarazit, nemaš od koga.
- To je dobro, znači da su ljudi ozbiljno svatili situaciju! - velim ja.
– Nego šta su. Ja to najbolje vidin po toalet papiru!
- Kako?
- Da kako? A vidiš da su se ljudi us.... od straja. Da nisu, zašto bi inače toliki tariguz kupovali?!
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Smijali ste se kad je naša bivša predsjednica rekla da ćemo bit ki Švicarska! A vidi nas sada! Još smo i bolji! Parimo, Japan, Južna Koreja, Hong – Kong ili Tajvan! – vika mi je prika sa šibenske Poljane, dok san se lagano kalava na posal.
- Tebi nije dobro! - viknija san mu i ja.
– Nekima korona udre na criva, nekima na pluća, a tebi je udrila na mozak. Biži ća kući, dok ti je na vrime!
- Da, e! Nisan lud sad bižat u kuću, sad kad smo konačno počeli sličit na normalni, razvijeni, napredni svit! - nije se da ustavit.
- A šta ima ode tebi normalno, vidiš da je sve prazno, nigdi nikoga! Korona je sve otpuvala - prova san ga ja urazumit, držeći od njega sigurnu udaljenost.
- Eto, baš to je normalno! Da su u radni dan, u deset sati ujutro, svi kafići prazni, da nema na ulicama nigdi nikoga. Da oni koji imaju posla rade, a oni koji nemaju nikakvog - side lipo doma, čitaju, gledaju televiziju, bave se hobijima. Pa tako je u svin normalnim državama oduvik, i stalno! A nama je, da takvi postanemo - morala doć korona! - viče on meni, s isto tako sigurne udaljenosti.
Svi odjednom u redu
– A ovo teke svita što po ulicama još šeta, lipo nosi maske. Ko bi to od našeg svita metnija sebi na glavu još prije samo deset, ili petnaest dana ?! Pravija od sebe ridikula, monu, majmuna! Radije bi škartoc na glavu stavija! A sad su svi naglo postali Japanci i Korejanci! Pa nose masku. I to ponosno, da je svi vide. Bogati, postala je stvar prestiža!
Pokazuješ da si urban, odgovoran i osviješten član zajednice, a ne seljačina šta sije bacile na metar okolo, ki ratar šenicu, ugrožava i sebe i druge! - viče on, a meni polako počinje dolazit iz guzice u glavu: – Bogami, nije njemu korona udarila u možđane. Njega je prosvitlilo! Nikad pametnijih besida nisan od njega čuja!
- A jesi vidija isprid apateke, kako naš svit uredno čeka u redu. I drži odstojanje. Ulaze unutra tri po tri, disciplinirano ka Japanci kad su ulazili čistit u oni atomski reaktor u Fukušimu. Naši Dalmatinci! I isprid banke isto čekaju strpljivo. Stoji lipa, uredna fila nasrid ceste. Niko se ne gura, ne viče. Ma, niko s nikin i ne priča, muva da se čuje. Niko ne beštima, ne bogaje, ne gleda na sat.
Nikome se nigdi ne žuri. To do juče s vodon interventne policije ne bi kod nas osigura. A vidi nas sad! Ako ovo potraje još – a oće – Japan ćemo postat. Južna Koreja! Azijski tigar! Biće u nas reda, sve po špagu ka i kod njih - navija se pobro.
- To oćemo sigurno! Posebno, ako se budemo držali preporuka Stožera, pa ostajali kući, i ne izlazili vanka, na dnevno svitlo i sunce. I slušali ove - "stručnjake za držanje distance" ! En ti onoga, tebi i njima! Jesi ti uopće zna do jučer za otu struku? A danas već po internetu savite dile "Kako se ispravno socijalno distancirati!" A jesi čuja ministra Božinovića: "Izbjegavajte bliske kontakte i držite se higijene. U unutarnjim prostorima razmak od druge osobe mora biti najmanje 2 metra, vani 1 metar!" Koji lipi savjet. Pari da smo mi Todorići, pa imamo Kulmerove dvore na raspolaganju! - viče prika.
Lako je Terezi!
A mene opet vata tupilo od nekuženja: – Kako ne razumiš?! Znaš koliko sad ima čeljadi kod mene u onom mome jadnom stanu? Ja, žena, dica, pa dica dovela svoju dicu, unuke, nema škole, fakulteta, ničega, vrtlići ne rade. A i starčad su tute, a di ćeš ih ostavit same, ko će in kuvat, dignit ih ako padnu.
I sad na nas desetak, za držat razmak od dva metra, tribalo bi imat dnevni boravak 20 za 20, a to ti je 400 kvadrata. Ko to ima, jedino Todorić, ne znam ima li i on! U nas stančići od pedeset, šezdeset kvadrata, jedna se prostorije grije, svi se natiskali oko peći, prid zahodon moraš čekat red da se popišaš, a oni pišu u uputama za ponašanje – ako je moguće, koristiti izdvojenu kupaonicu. Ili – izdvojite se u sobu s prozorom! Tija san zvat i pitat: Triba li se s ponistre vidit i Šolta, il' se može proć i s običnim pogledom u susjedni zid? Ćaćina i materina, njima i uputama, ka da ih je Marija Antoaneta pisala!
Lako je Terezi pisat "Ostajem doma", kad ga sigurno nije kupovala priko POS-a. Ujutro kavica u vrtlu, pa onda na sobni bicikl. Čitanje knjiga i slušanje glazbe dok odgovara na mailove i prelijeće Instagramom. Al' šta će ovi jadni za mišalicon i dizalicon na gradilištu šibenske Poljane! Sumnjam da je moguće lopaton priko fejsa pojačat malo maltu u mišalici. Ili povuć stazu pa popravit malo ligadinu priko Instagrama! Sazvat videokonferenciju pa priko nje nalit jedno sto kvadrata ploče...'
- I zato si ti sad uteka vanka, na sunce i frišku ariju! - počinjen na koncu kužit i ja, i svoga priku gledat drugin očima. Vidiš ti koji je to Salamun, a ko bi reka na njemu!
- Svi se zakveštali, zatvorili po kućama, a po ulicama sve prazno, nema nikoga. Da se i oš zarazit, nemaš od koga.
- To je dobro, znači da su ljudi ozbiljno svatili situaciju! - velim ja.
– Nego šta su. Ja to najbolje vidin po toalet papiru!
- Kako?
- Da kako? A vidiš da su se ljudi us.... od straja. Da nisu, zašto bi inače toliki tariguz kupovali?!
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Nikola Vilić/HANZA MEDIA
Splitski Peristil ima stoljetno pamćenje, ali za ovakvu pošast još nije čuo, kazala nam je maca
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11. svibanj 2024 15:32
